We watch our friend’s relationships on social media- Stary eyed photos of a new love, flushed cheeks and wide smiles, date nights, adventures, sweet words of affirmation shared with each other- perfectly posed snapshots of a budding romance.

Then, over time, perhaps we see engagement photos, invitations, weddings, babies being born, or some variance of what it looks like to have a partnership move forward and stand the test of time.

But other times, the pictures stop. There is usually no outward explanation, just the assumption that for whatever reason, things didn’t work out. Then maybe months or years later, we see our friends same smiling face with a new twinkle in their eye as they stand next to someone new.

In light of my birthday, I received many well meaning messages about how happy friends were for me and how well it looked like I had been doing. Well, the truth is, my world had actually been crumbling for awhile, even behind those smiling eyes. I knew many people had seen pictures of me and Matt moving forward through life together and hoping the best for us. As I read through those messages, I sat with the secret pain of knowing that soon, those pictures were going to stop.

I’m not posting this out of some grandiose sense of self importance, but more a need for closure for myself as well as those that were part of our lives as a couple and for the many good times we had.

Matt is an amazing human and I love his heart dearly. He gives so much of himself to the people he loves and sees the world with a child like wonder. I know he is going to make someone who seeks the unique qualities he has ridiculously happy someday. He is one of the best people I know, but after a good solid try, I have come to realize he’s just not my person.

I heard someone say that breakups are not an act of giving up, they are an act of hope. Looking at life at 35, single and childless is more than a little scary, I won’t even get started on how much I despise the current dating culture… but through it all I come out on the other side with a heavy, but hope filled heart- for both of us.

We all deserve someone who is as wild about us as we are about them.

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